Saturday, 13 October 2018

It's Ok, To Not Be Ok



When I first sat down to write this post, I had no idea what I wanted to write about. I was initially planning on writing a post all about some of my beauty favourites at the moment, but it just didn’t feel right uploading a post like that. There has been hell of a lot going on in my life at the moment and to tell you the truth, I am at an all time low when it comes to my mental health and I feel a little hypocritical to keep pumping out beauty and fashion content when there is so much going on behind the scenes. So, I thought that I would do a post where I just sit down and talk to you guys about what is really happening.

If you guys have followed my blog for some time, you may know that I have medically diagnosed OCD. As I was growing up, I knew that there was something now quite right about me, because things that affected me, didn’t seem to phase anybody else. After years of just living with it and thinking that I was an irrational person, I decided that it was time to make a change and try and do something about it. So, I went to the doctors and after a couple of counselling sessions, I was diagnosed with OCD.

After speaking to a counsellor, a couple of times I was diagnosed with OCD and they also thought that I was suffering from anxiety and depression. When my OCD intensifies, and I can no longer cope with the normal things in my everyday life, that is when things in my mind can spiral and trigger my depression. I feel like it was something that I was able to keep a lid on until a year back and since then it has been an uphill battle where I have had some really hard days where things are actually pretty bleak.

Some of you guys may know that I lost my grandad last year. It was actually the anniversary of his death yesterday. My grandad wasn’t ill for very long and after he had been diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer, he only lived for a couple more days. After losing him, I did everything that I could to try and stay busy, keep active and keep my mind off how heartbroken I was. I know that there is no right and wrong way to grieve but looking back I feel like I went about it in completely the wrong kind of way.

I then tried to really work on myself and stay on the right track, but after my nan was diagnosed with breast cancer in June, I didn’t know what to do with myself. After losing my grandad, I knew that it was going to fall onto me to take care of her through her treatment. I am the only driver in my family now, so even though others are more than happy to help, I am the family taxi, so it was hell of a lot of work. Don’t get me wrong though, I was more than happy to get my nan through her treatment.

It wasn’t until one day when my nan was part through her treatment that I mentally hit rock bottom. I was up at 4am in the morning to pick my nan up, to then drive her to her radiotherapy appointment which was in a specialist hospital 2 hours away. Once she had her treatment I then had to drive her home, get her settled, then I went to work for a full shift before going home. Once I was at home I had to do all of my normal things like cleaning the house, doing the tea and trying to manage a normal social life. It then hit me like a tonne of bricks and just like that my OCD and depression floored me.

I was in bed for 2 full days over the weekend and I felt so ill. Even though there was nothing physically wrong with me, I didn’t feel like I had it in my body to actually move. There was no part of me that wanted to get out of bed and pretend like everything was ok. It was one of them days where I just couldn’t cope, and I didn’t know what I was going to do with myself. Over the next couple of days, I knew that I was going to have to get help and I made an appointment with my doctor who referred me straight onto a councillor.

I won’t go into everything because at the end of the day, we all have things that trip us up and knock us down. It can be the smallest and most insignificant thing, or a huge thing that floors you, but if you do have issues with your mental health, it can come at any point. The only thing that I can say is that you need to focus on yourself. Ask for help when you need it. Accept that it is ok to have a bad day. Confide in the people that you love. Do what you need to do, but never bottle it up. I am always more than happy to speak about mental health here on my blog because I believe that it is a topic that is worth talking about.
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18 comments

  1. Such a brave post - thank you for sharing. Mind yourself and make sure you follow through on your own great advice yourself (this is something I struggle with doing sometimes!)

    Rebecca | www.peppermintdolly.com

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  2. This post was something I really needed to read recently! Keep your head up lovely. “This too, shall pass”

    Sian xx
    http://www.sianhabberley.co.uk/?m=1

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  3. You post is really interesting!
    Have a nice Sunday
    http://www.recklessdiary.ru

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  4. This is very brave of you to share Danielle. Sending you all the love in the world <3 I completely understand what you mean by not wanting to pump out fashion content when you don't feel yourself, I experience this a lot too but could never explain what I meant. You put it a lot better than I ever could!

    So glad I've found your blog, hope you have a great weekend x

    Elle x (www.ellemaryjane.co.uk)

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  5. Is there any way that somebody else in your family can learn to drive or get a car to help you out? You have a lot of responsibility and, of course, you're happy to help out but it sounds like you shoulder a lot of the work xx

    Beautylymin

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    Replies
    1. I wish there was, things will get better and easier soon!

      Danielle xx

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  6. So glad I have recently tried harder to blog a little more as it meant that I read this post, one of the most important posts I have ever read. So sorry Danielle for everything you're going through and have been through and really proud of how you are handling it and speaking about your experience on your platform. I wrote a post over the weekend but couldn't go through with posting it, I might actually do it now. And as horrible as it sounds, it is nice knowing that you're not the only person struggling it is okay not to be okay. I hope your Nan gets better, I hope there is a way that this can effect you less, the fact that the hospital is so far away probably means taxis and ubers are out of the question, but maybe a friend would help? Or maybe you can call the hospital to ask for support? They might be able to offer something, I think they have ambulance taxis for people who physically can't get to the hospital? I wish I knew more but I will look further into it, thank you for sharing. Lots of love x

    ALittleKiran | Bloglovin

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    Replies
    1. They can do a hospital car, but it picks at 7am and drops back off at 7pm and her appointment is only 10 minutes long. It would end up been a very long day for her, bless!

      Danielle xx
      http://www.fashionbeautyblog.co.uk/

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  7. This is truly a brave post and something we all need to think about. You've put this into words that I can completely resonate with. Sending all the love to you lovely lady! xxx

    www.laurencarmen.com

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    Replies
    1. Thank you sweetie, it has been a challenging time!

      Danielle xx

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  8. I admire you so much for writing this post Danielle - I can't imagine the stress you must have gone through not only dealing with your grief but also being there for your family as much as you were! I've struggled (and still struggle) with OCD myself, so I genuinely mean it when I say you can always reach out for a chat if you want <3 Very heartfelt read xxx

    www.samanthafrances.co.uk

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    Replies
    1. Aww thank you for your sweet words. It has been a hard time recently and there are more obstacles in the way at the moment, but I will get through it and do it with a smile on my face. Thank you sweetie!

      Danielle xx

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